I Get Triggered by the Word “Triggered”
As a therapist, I feel like I should be more evolved about this.
I'm not.
Every time someone says, “That triggered me,” because their coworker used Comic Sans, a tiny part of my soul dies.
Okay, so what? I'm dramatic.
But the word “triggered” has become one of those words that gets used for just about everything.
Your friend didn't text you back? Triggered.
Your partner said something you didn't like? Triggered.
Someone disagreed with you on the internet? Triggered.
You saw a picture that made you uncomfortable? Triggered.
The word has become a social media buzzword, and in the process, we've started using it to describe almost any strong or unpleasant emotional reaction.
And I think it's worth slowing down and asking:
“Are you actually experiencing a trauma trigger? Or are you having a feeling you don't like?”
Let's talk about what “triggered” actually means.
Trauma triggers are real.
A trigger can be something that reminds your brain and nervous system of a traumatic or overwhelming experience. It might be a sound, smell, place, person, situation, sensation, or interaction.
Sometimes the connection is obvious.
Sometimes it isn't.
And when someone is experiencing a trauma-related trigger, the response can be much more than simply thinking, “I don't like this.”
It can involve intense and involuntary emotional, physical, cognitive, or behavioral reactions.
You might experience a racing heart, shaking, sweating, panic, anger, feeling frozen, shutting down, feeling disconnected, an intense urge to escape, or a sense that something is wrong even when you logically know you're safe.
Trauma can absolutely affect the way our brains and nervous systems respond to things in the present.
But not every intense emotion is a trauma response.
You can feel bad without being triggered.
Sometimes your partner says something hurtful.
You're hurt.
Your boss criticizes your work.
You're embarrassed.
Someone doesn't text you back.
You're anxious.
Someone treats you unfairly.
You're angry.
You're in a crowded store and feel overwhelmed.
You're overwhelmed.
Sometimes you're just having a shitty day.
And that's okay.
You don't have to be traumatized for something to suck.
You also don't have to turn every unpleasant emotional experience into a psychological explanation for it to matter.
Maybe you're not triggered. Maybe you're...
Uncomfortable.
Anxious.
Embarrassed.
Angry.
Hurt.
Disappointed.
Frustrated.
Overwhelmed.
Feeling criticized.
Feeling rejected.
Feeling misunderstood.
Feeling out of control.
Feeling uncertain.
Reminded of something painful.
Having a strong physical reaction.
And sometimes, you might actually be triggered.
The point isn't to stop using the word.
It's to become more specific about what you're actually experiencing.
Because different experiences call for different responses.
If you're embarrassed, maybe you need to let yourself feel embarrassed.
If you're angry, maybe you need to figure out what boundary was crossed.
If you're anxious, maybe you need to slow down and get grounded.
And if you're experiencing a trauma trigger, maybe your nervous system needs something different entirely.
That's why the distinction matters.
And here's where therapy comes in.
Therapy isn't about convincing you that every uncomfortable feeling is trauma.
It's also not about telling you to suck it up and get over it.
It's about figuring out what's happening underneath the reaction and helping you develop the capacity to respond rather than automatically react.
Sometimes that means processing trauma.
Sometimes it means learning to tolerate uncertainty.
Sometimes it means setting a boundary.
Sometimes it means realizing you don't actually need to fix the feeling.
Because sometimes...
this just sucks.
And you can handle it.
That's what I mean when I talk about embracing the suck.
If you want to know what the hell I mean by that, read my other blog, Embracing the Suck.
And if you're still wondering what the heck I can actually help you with in therapy if I'm telling you that you're probably not triggered...
We can figure it out together.